I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
