alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
