This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
