wakey wakey hands off snakey
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Your penis caused this!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
