Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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