I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
