Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
