I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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