what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
vagina is talking i cant
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
