8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Randomize
