Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
