I need help removing her.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
