I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
