Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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