Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
either way he was missing a nipple.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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