I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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