For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
