So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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