this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
