Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
