My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
