Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
