In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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