I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
