so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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