i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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