Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
