Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
