Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
