the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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