remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
