if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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