once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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