We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
