dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You're like the curious george of whores
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Found your dick twin last night
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
