Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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