help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
