Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
