I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
