So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
