I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
