i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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