hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
