If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
