I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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