I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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