So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
