Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
