i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
