i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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