No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
