This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
