And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
