I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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