i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
