he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
