im drinking this country out of the recession.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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