i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
