no, he came in my armpit
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
