Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
