I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
