Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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