whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
