Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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