It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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