I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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