So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
